


November 2004

by gothclark



Series: freak4ever - the Journal of Clark Kent [17]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:39:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/pseuds/gothclark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new principal gives Clark and hard time because of his friendship with Lex. Clark meets his grandfather for the first time. A woman claiming to be Clark's mother disrupts his life. Bruce tries to kill Lex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	November 2004

01 November @ 02:40 pm

I fell asleep in the hammock last night. Math homework will do that. I've been feeling tired a lot lately and it's not like it's a physical tired. It's more emotional weariness. I couldn't stop thinking about Saturday night and what happened with Lex. 

I dreamt that Lex kept saying he'd take care of me and that no matter what I did he'd always forgive me. In my dream he was the one that took control of me and I lay on my back as we had sex. He kept saying he'd always want me. 

I was in the middle of the dream when Lex woke me up. He came to see me late last night. At first I was freaked out because I really didn't want to talk about what had happened, but he said he was fine. He didn't look hurt. I believed him. I wanted to believe him. I had no words, but apparently they weren't necessary. He told me it was okay and then we kissed. Then I turned into a babbling idiot. Sometimes I think I was dropped on my head. Maybe when the ship crashed my head hit the dashboard and gave me brain damage. That is if I even have a brain. I might not. I am an alien.. Maybe I'm just a hollow shell programmed to act and react like a human so I can blend into my surroundings.

If that's true then I'm doomed because I do anything but blend in. They could have at least programmed me to lie better. I suck at telling lies. 

After Lex left, I went back inside and lay in bed for a long time. I made a promise to myself that I would treat Lex way better from now on. Even if I can't tell him the truth at least I can give him the respect he deserves. 

 

02 November @ 11:31 am

I just got back from voting. My mom and dad voted. I can't vote yet. Dad lectured me endlessly about it. I think I nodded in all the right places. I kind of had my mind on other things. Like the new assignment we got in English class yesterday. We have to write an original poem! This class gets more and more torturous. We're supposed to write it in the style of one of the poets we studied and on a subject we care about. 

At least the weekend is over. It felt like it went on forever.

Yesterday was a quiet day. I had so much homework so I ended up stuck in my loft with my nose buried in books. Dad had to do the deliveries so I didn't get to see Lex. I'll probably call him today to see if he's up for a movie or something.

I have all day to do the chores. Right now I have to go help dad in the backfield. It must be more broken fences.

 

03 November @ 11:25 pm

Lex wrote me a poem. I don't think it has a name. 

from AJL

You awakened me  
in the corners of my darkness  
I have felt it all through me  
so that there was no breath  
in the soil or the sky  
in the grey black of the water  
that cut into the already gaping  
in the corners I was dark  
heavy until bound  
blinded by your light

I know you have your darkness

I've seen felt  
welcomed you  
echoes of dark lit by you  
Only with you, in you  
do I recognize  
both as my own

We went up to his room and he gave me this piece of paper with this poem written in his handwriting. He wrote it for me. I have it by my bed so I can read it whenever I want. 

After that, we made out and Lex made me so happy. He looks so great after a hot make out session. After I did some not so angelic things, I fell asleep on top of him. I wanted to stay with him forever. It was so nice and calm and so peaceful except for the drooling part. That is becoming a disturbing pattern.

 

04 November @ 12:07 am

I started my poem and this is what I have so far.

My poem by Clark Kent

If stars fall and lights shine  
You'll be the one I think of  
If it's a choice between you  
And this world I live in  
I know what choice I'll make

I wonder if that would be enough. I showed it to Lex and he seemed to like it.

@ 06:21 pm

I did deliveries today. Everything was going great. I had a few minutes extra to chat with Lex. Right as I was leaving Lionel stopped me. He was wearing cuff links with green meteor rocks in them. I wanted to get away so bad, but he kept stepping closer and he wouldn't leave me alone. He asked me if I know what's been bothering Lex. I told him I couldn't tell him anything Lex and I talked about. I wanted to say more but those damn rocks made it so hard. I thought I was going to pass out. I managed to get in the truck but he wouldn't back off. He even touched me and commented that I was trembling. It sounded so dirty when he said it. When I got home I had to take a very long shower. 

No wonder people are afraid of him. As soon as I got home, I told mom and dad about Lionel's cufflinks. Dad suggested to mom that she steal them. There is no way I'm going to turn my mom into a thief. I'll just have to make sure not to go near Lionel, which may be hard because this time he sneaked up on me. He's a really quiet man, and totally creepy. I can understand why Lex says all those things about him. 

When I got home, Mom was in the kitchen so I rushed up to take a shower. Not only was I dirty from all the chores, but also Lex's dad left me feeling grossed out. Just as I was about to jump in the shower my cell phone rang. That weird hearing thing happened again. I heard it all the way from the bathroom even though my cell was in my coat pocket and my door was closed. Now my hearing is normal again. 

It turned out to be Lex on the phone. He was calling because his dad told him I was sick. When I said I just had a sudden headache he joked that his dad has that effect on people.

Being near those two tiny meteor rocks totally brought home last week when I chose to expose myself to them. I know it was that person making me afraid, but this time when I got exposed to the rocks I was so afraid that I would die. I'm so used to being strong all the time. It's scary to be reminded, in moments like these, that I'm not invulnerable after all. 

I think the rocks can kill me. When Lionel kept moving closer to me I thought for sure he'd never leave me alone. He warned me again about coming over to the mansion so much. I think he wants me to stay away from Lex though I'm not sure why. It can't be because I'm a bad influence on Lex. 

I can hardly think about anything else. The call from Lex helped distract me for a little while, but I keep going back to the other week, and today, and how vulnerable I felt. I hate those meteor rocks so much. If Lionel ever knew how they affect me and if he ever found out about me . . . I couldn't even think that way. It's too terrifying. 

I spent more time trying to add to my poem. Everything I did sucked so badly. Lex's poem is awesome. I wish I could use it instead. It's not like anybody would know it was his.

Dinner is on. It smells so good and I'm so hungry. 

 

5 November @ 10:54 pm

Thanks to my big mouth everybody had to read their poem out loud and they were not happy about that. It was so embarrassing. You can bet a lot of the guys in the class let me know how much they disliked what happened. It wasn't my fault. It was the teacher who decided we all had to read them out loud. I managed to get through the day without the football team skinning me alive. 

After class I went over to the Talon to do some homework. Mom showed up so I got a drive home with her. Actually, she let me drive the car.

The rest of my night has been really kind of boring. Okay, my whole night has been boring. At first I wanted to be alone. I felt like having some time to think, but then I got bored of thinking so I strung all the safety pins in the house together. Then I did some stargazing. The sky is so bright tonight and the stars are bright. I love to imagine that there are other worlds up there and that maybe they are looking at me with their telescopes or their eyes. Maybe they are wondering the same things I'm wondering. I wonder what they would think of earth.

Then I shot some hoops. After that I decided to write more poetry but it all sucked and I ended up with a pile of paper balls that made great basket practice with my wastebasket. Back to making paper and wire sculpture.

 

06 November @ 11:12 pm

I just got home from hanging out with Pete. We spent almost the whole day together. It had been a while since we'd done stuff. We had a great day. I went over after chores and the market. We had lunch then shot some hoops. We were alone since his parents were out of town and his brothers were all away for one reason or another. He kept telling me not to hold back. It's so funny to see his face when I jump thirty feet in the air and make a basket. It's so cool that I can be myself in front of him. I've been doing it all my life in front of my mom and dad but this is different. Pete doesn't have to love me the way my parent do. He still accepts me the way I am.

Last night after I posted that totally boring post, Lana stopped by. I have to admit it was nice to see her outside of school. We haven't really spent much time together besides school or when I see her at the Talon. I told her about what happened with Lex. It was so nice to have somebody to talk to about it. I feel so lost sometimes. Most of the time it's fine but then I'll really think about it and then I start to freak out. It always happens when I'm alone. 

I told her about almost telling dad that I'm gay, and she agreed that I could probably not tell my dad right now. The best was when she said she thinks Lex and I are good for each other. It made me feel so good inside to know that she saw this about Lex and me. 

I am actually very tired tonight. Pete kept begging me to run to the end of the county and back so that he could time me. I think I ran faster than I've ever run.

Now I need to pass out.

 

07 November @ 10:32 pm

I had a great day today. I spent all morning and afternoon with mom. She had a lot of work to do and I had a ton of homework. I'm positive that my teachers are trained in the art of torture. 

Later Lex called me so I went over and we played some pool. I totally did not cheat even if he says I tried to push the balls in behind his back while we kissed. It's not true. At all.

It was great to have a relaxing afternoon. I stayed for dinner. We had steak and it was great. Then we sat by the fire and talked about me moving in with him. Kidding. I bet that would totally confuse dad. I can just see it now. 

'Dad. I need to move into the mansion with Lex.'

'Why son? Don't you see him enough already?'

'Because I need to be close to his cute butt.'

That would almost be worth it just to see dad get all confused.

At least I did all my homework. Now I'm going to do some reading.

 

08 November @ 09:25 pm

The most bizarre thing happened at school today. This guy in my gym class died of sudden rapid aging. We were in the pool, doing swim practice. I'd just beaten Pete and was up against Troy next. I was totally nervous because Troy is really good, but then suddenly he was drowning and I swam down to the bottom of the pool to rescue him and when I pulled him out of the water, he was old and dead.

I swear I have never been so freaked. I had chills for the rest of the day. I couldn't wait to leave school. 

After classes, I went to the Talon to hang with Pete and a few of the other guys. Everybody wanted to talk about what happened to Troy. I just wanted to forget. 

My town is so messed up. 

Now I have a ton of homework. I feel so uplifted to know that my teachers love to pile on the homework. At least it looks like spirit week is going to be great this year. I saw Lana and Chrissy making posters for it. I've never seen anybody throw so much energy into something the way Chrissy has with spirit week. I bet it's going to be the best one we've ever had.

 

09 November @ 12:55 pm

This morning my parents were talking about how we can't make ends meet. No matter what we do, we always come up short, so my mom brought up a subject we never talk about. She mentioned that her dad might be able to help us, only my dad totally freaked. I've never met my granddad. I wish I could but something happened and my parent won't tell me what.

After dad closed the subject completely, mom gave me muffins to deliver to the Talon. Dad drove me there. He didn't say one word to me on the way. I dropped the muffins off at the Talon and just as he promised, Lex was there. Dad dropped me off and, since I knew Lex was going to be at the Talon, I figured he'd give me a drive to school.

He arrived at kind of an awkward moment since Lana was showing me these photographs she had just found of her mom with some man that wasn't her dad. I tried to make her feel better, but she told me they were taken while her parents were still married. She's going to talk to her aunt about it. I hope she gets the answers she's looking for.

Lex gave me a lift to school. We pulled over in a secluded spot and made out. It was amazing and felt so good after everything that's happened. I wanted to do it right there in the car, but I had to get to class. I almost played hooky. With a lap full of Lex the thought was so tempting. 

I ended up being late anyway. Just as I arrived a man I'd never seen was locking up the gate to get into the school parking lot. He turned out to be the new principal. He totally bawled me out. He said he'd be keeping his eye on me. It turns out he knows Lex. Once upon a time Mr. Reynolds was headmaster at a school Lex went to. Mr. Reynolds did not seem to like Lex at all. He talked to Lex with a tone of disrespect. I hate when people do that. It's not right. I wonder what happened back then. I guess I could just ask Lex. 

Now the school is under lock down during classes. That means you have to be on school grounds by the time the bell rings and you can't leave until last bell in the afternoon. 

On top of that, I'm on Mr. Reynolds's 'bad boy' list as my friend Pete calls it. Totally not fair. I've never been disliked right away by anybody. Every time I see him in the hallway he gives me this look. It's more like a glare. I keep ducking him whenever he's around.

@ 06:21 pm

I just met my grandfather for the first time in my life! I asked him if he'd stay for dinner, but he wouldn't. Then mom and dad told me why dad and he don't get along. This totally sucks. I want a grandfather. It's not fair at all. This day just totally sucks.

I'm going to bed and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

 

10 November @ 10:37 pm

The new principal hates me because Lex is my friend. Mr. Reynolds called me into his office today to tell me I'm a slacker and the company I keep tells him all he needs to know about me. I have never been to the principal's office in my life. I'd say it's unfair, but where would that get me. 

I have to write an essay on where I see myself five years from now. He made Lex write the same essay way back when. I think I killed a tree just trying to start the first page. I must have gone through a hundred pieces of paper. I have no idea where I'm going to be. Maybe Chrissy is right, who cares about five years from now. I'm sure that Mr. Reynolds would not appreciate an essay on why it's irrelevant. I better think of something fast.

I talked to Lex about my situation with my grandfather and took his advice. My dad is the most stubborn man alive. It totally backfired on me. I'm so bummed right now. I think I'm going for a run.

 

11 November @ 12:05 am

I just got back from the mansion. I went for a long run and ended up there. By the time I got to the mansion, everything was locked down, but I managed to slip through security and make my way in. I fell asleep on the sofa in the room and woke up to find Lionel hovering over me. He was touching my hair. He totally freaked me out.

Then he chased me off. I was afraid he was going to hit me with his cane. I think he knows about Lex and me. Every time I see Lionel I get this vibe, like he looks right through me. I swear if I didn't know he was blind, I would think he could see. It seemed like he was looking right at me. 

There's this part of me that wants to know more about him. He's Lex's dad. He raised Lex so some of him must be as good as Lex. I know he says his dad is not a nice man, but I wonder. I also know I should stay away from him. I'll have to ask Lex if his dad has said anything to him about me or about us. I wonder if Lex knows whether his dad approves. He probably doesn't. I bet the fact that I'm a hick farmer isn't exactly what Lionel had in mind for his son. I bet Lionel would totally freak if he knew about my landed alien status.

@ 07:29 pm

I went to see granddad at his hotel. I brought a family photo album with me to show him how I saw my family. I had hoped that he would reconsider leaving. I also told him I want us to get to know each other better. I just met him and he's going to walk out of my life. I can't lose him, I just can't. At first, I got upset when all he did was hand me a check for my mom, but then I went back and we talked. He told me he tried to be a part of my life when my parents first adopted me. 

Mom talked to me today about what I did last night. Lionel told her he found me in the mansion. She practically begged me to be more careful. She asked me to talk to Lex about it so I guess I'll have to since I'm betting Lionel will tell Lex what I did. I think he hates me. 

Mom looked so tired. I helped her with dinner tonight and clean up afterwards. I just finished my evening chores and now I'm going to do homework. I have that essay to write. Stupid essay.

 

12 November @ 08:19 pm

I don't have a relationship with my granddad because mom and dad were too afraid of how he'd react to me. Once again, my alien heritage screws up my life. I want so badly to have a normal life. I'm trying so hard, but then something like this happens. My mom didn't trust her own father to keep the big family secret. 

Reynolds was attacked and sent to hospital. I can't believe him. He even warned me not to be late and I saved his life. He'd be a pile of dust if I hadn't gone to the Talon and stopped Chrissie. I'm going to finish the essay tonight. I decided I want to be in University five years from now, studying Journalism. I better not tell Lex. He'll probably try to talk me out of it, but that's fine since I reserve the right to change my mind at any point.

I want to see Lex so badly. I can't get what happened out of my head. His dad really isn't that bad I guess. I mean he didn't hurt me or anything, so maybe I can ask Lex about him. I would really like to try to make things better for Lex. If his dad is there to stay, then maybe I can help make it more comfortable. Plus, I have been dying to ask Lex what he said in his essay. He said he had to write one for Reynolds way back when he was in prep school. I wonder if he still has it. That would be so cool.

I wonder if Lex ever thought he'd be living in Smallville dating a farmer. Probably not.

 

14 November @ 10:52 pm

I am totally avoiding Lex. I don't know what to say to him. Mom asked me to talk to Lex about being more discrete. I thought we were being very discrete. Pete has not caught on and neither has anybody else at school. I haven't even had a single taunt. I just realized this yesterday at the farmers' market. Sometimes Whitney's friends used to bug me, but they mostly just ignore me now. 

Dad and I had harvests to bring in, mom needed me a lot, and homework almost killed me not to mention the finals are just around the corner.

Where did the time go?

I only had a few hours late Saturday to hang with Pete. We shot some hoops and he bragged about his brother's new car. Then I cheated and jump thirty feet to get the winning basket. It's not my fault that he isn't super like me. 

Late last night I began to realize that what mom asked of me bothered me. I know we've been careful. I never act differently with him in public. This bothers me so much I couldn't get it off my mind. I stayed up late and thought about what I have done all this time with Lex. I remember every single thing and action, and I can't remember a time where we weren't discreet. As long as I don't count my red meteor rock haze it's fine. I didn't care about discretion then.

 

6 November @ 02:26 pm

Last night I was sitting in my loft bored. I needed to see Lex so after hours of debating whether I should just go to bed like a good boy, or say screw them all and rush over to see Lex, I finally decided on the latter. 

I changed really fast and ran to the mansion without stopping. I even managed to jump over the fence and ducked every single security measure. I didn't see anybody until I reached Lex's bedroom. It might be a bad thing that I was able to get past his security so easily, but I'm the only alien with super speed on the planet, as far as I know, so I'm not too worried. 

Lex was already in bed. He looked tense and like he hadn't had much sleep. I stripped down to my shorts and slipped into his bed. It was way too hard to resist touching him as soon as I was in the bed. I couldn't even wait for him to wake up, so I woke him with a kiss. Of course I had to totally embarrass myself by lasting about five seconds, once we were both naked. I was so horny. 

Lex was so hot, warm, and open. I asked if I could fuck him and, of course, he said yes. I knew he wouldn't say no, but I still thought it was polite to at least ask first. 

It felt so good to be inside him again. It was like a drug that gave me this high I never even knew I'd miss. I looked into his eyes the whole time we fucked. I wanted to see if I could see what I felt at that moment in his eyes. I want to shout to the rooftops how happy I am.

We both fell asleep after that and I didn't wake up until six AM. I managed to rush home and nobody was the wiser. I practically had to rush straight into chores so I think dad thought I had gotten up early to do the chores. 

Take that Lionel! We can totally be discreet.

 

18 November @ 02:55 pm

Last night I went over to see Lex. I told mom I needed to borrow a book. She totally bought the lie. 

I found Lex playing piano. I had no idea he played. It sounded so good. He looked so good. He said he was thinking about Bruce. I think they had a fight a while ago and they haven't mended fences yet. Then Lex grabbed me and kissed me as if his life depended on it. 

Then I let it slip that my mom had talked to me after talking to Lionel about my always being over there. Lex got really mad. I never intended to tell him about that. The whole thing is so embarrassing. I feel like a twelve year old again, being scolded for shoving another person too hard. 

I finally have somebody in my life, they want me to touch them, and they let me touch them. I keep thinking that my mom or even Lex will tell me it's over and that I have to stop now before somebody gets hurt. I know it's not because of my strength this time, but I remember all those times when I sat watching other kids play. They did it so effortlessly and I longed to have somebody to touch. I longed for that somebody to want me to touch them back and I think that maybe Lex suspects I'm super strong. That doesn't turn him away from me. I don't want mom to say I have to stop because somebody might find out and tell the wrong people, but she's right, too many people know.

I almost left Lex last night without so much as a kiss good bye, but when I heard that piano start up again I had to go back. I had to touch him and devour him. I wanted him to be mine. I don't want anybody to take him away from me.

 

19 November @ 01:41 pm

Lex and I have a date tonight. I'm going over and we're doing something. I'm not really sure what yet. I know he really needs me right now and I'm willing to give him whatever he needs. I want him to be happy. I don't know what Bruce told him, but it really did a mind trip on Lex. Maybe face-to-face he'll be able to tell me what happened.

 

20 November @ 10:21 am

I would have killed him if Lex had died. I am still so angry. I just spent the night and all morning at the hospital. I have never been so terrified in my life. Not even when I pulled Lex out of the water after he purposely jumped off the bridge was I this upset.

Bruce stabbed Lex! He wanted Lex dead. He went to the mansion and purposely stabbed Lex. Bruce had something in his system, but, still, he wanted Lex dead. I can't even imagine how Bruce is going to feel once he's recovered. Lex still hasn't said anything. He's been in surgery and now he won't wake up. I've never seen him look so pale.

I ran so fast, I thought I would take flight for sure. I wanted to kill Bruce. Bruce is Batman, that vigilante in Gotham. Bruce is a vigilante. That is so wrong on so many levels. How could he do those things? How could he be that way? How could he be a bad guy?

I totally trashed the front door of Wayne manor. I ran to Gotham then chased down Bruce a.k.a. the Batman. Just before I left to run back home, Bruce regained consciousness and I told him Lex was going to live, even though I didn't know if Lex would live because when I left him at the hospital it looked like he might not live. This is not making any sense. I want it to be undone. I want it to be over. I want Lex to be at home with me. I want it to be yesterday so that I could go to the mansion and not be late like I was last night, and saved Lex sooner or stop Bruce. I want our date to have happened. I want us to be sitting by the fire kissing. I want Lex to not have a collapsed lung or a hole in his body.

When I told Bruce Lex would live, Bruce was disappointed. I wanted to punch Bruce's lights out. I wanted to strangle him on the spot.

I need sleep but I can't sleep. I have to be there when Lex wakes up. I have to see that he's going to be okay. I have to see it for myself. 

Dick and Alfred took care of it. I brought Bruce back to them and they helped him. I hope Bruce is okay. I can't call to find out. I don't really care. I just care that Lex is okay. He lived through the surgery. My heart almost stopped when the doctor came out to tell us how it went. For just a second I thought he was going to say that Lex had died.

Mom ordered me to come home and take a shower. I'm covered in Lex's blood but I needed to get this off my chest. Now I need to take a shower and I need to kill Bruce. Then I need sleep. No. First a shower and then sleep and then I kill Bruce.

I know it wasn't Bruce's fault. 

I'm going to shower then I'm going back to that hospital and I don't care what anybody says. I'm staying with Lex. I'm not going to let anybody stop me.

 

21 November @ 06:54 am

Last night Lex finally woke up for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say to him. He did something I've never seen him do, he cried. I don't even think he realized. It was only one tear but that one tear haunted me as I ran from the hospital. 

He tried to sit up once he was awake. His eyes went wide, he called out to Bruce, and I could see him remembering. I don't even know exactly what happened with him and Bruce, but it must have been really bad for Lex to react this way. He said he wanted to talk to Bruce. I told him he'd have to wait until he was recovered.

At one point Lex said that I told Bruce. I have no idea what he was talking about, but I hope I didn't say something to Bruce that made him attack Lex. I can't even go there. 

After that he fell back into a comfortable sleep. They have him drugged and filled with tubes. There are tubes everywhere on his body. I'm so thankful that they can keep him sedated.

I left after he fell asleep because I couldn't stay there any more. My eyes were on fire. I wanted to destroy something, anything. I did. I ran to the old abandoned Taylor farmhouse. I destroyed every single thing I could see. Every board, every brick crushed between my fingers and it wasn't enough. I think I screamed loud enough for the whole county to hear. 

After I demolished the house, I burned it to ashes. When I was finished my whole body was shaking and I was covered in ash. It wasn't enough to take away the pain. It was enough to stop me from running to Gotham and totally destroying the Batcave.

I think I'm going to go insane. I didn't sleep much last night. I'm so tired. When I got home I changed really fast so mom and dad didn't see what I looked like all crazy and covered in ashes and debris. I stayed in the loft all night. 

My hands are shaking right now and I need something to calm me down. I need more sleep. I'll never tell anybody what I did. 

The funny thing is I forgive Bruce. I know it wasn't really him. I know he didn't mean to do it. He was drugged.

I feel much better now. I think I can sleep.

 

22 November @ 01:12 pm

All the things Bruce has done as Batman. I tried to call him ten times yesterday. He refused to talk to me. Now that Lex is in better, stable condition, and I vented in a big way, I have to try something else. Anger and destruction didn't do anything except trash a few buildings. 

I feel so much better after a good night's sleep. I didn't dream at all and I woke up feeling like things are going to be fine. Now I just have to figure out how to fix things between Lex and Bruce. I know Lex cares about Bruce. He even asked if Bruce was okay when he first woke up. That says a lot and if Lex can forgive me for my red meteor rock rampage I know he can forgive Bruce. 

I spent yesterday morning catching up on chores with dad. He's really being understanding. I don't know what mom said to him, but he hasn't once complained. I have so much work to do when I get home today.

@ 11:55 pm

I did it. I called Bruce. He stayed on the line a lot longer than I thought he would. He told me he was infected with something. It made me think of when I wore the school ring. I didn't try to kill Lex then but I hurt him.

I practically begged Bruce to come to Smallville to talk to Lex. I told him Lex deserves to know what actually happened. I asked Bruce straight out if he meant whatever it was that he did to Lex. I only know about the stabbing but I know for sure way more happened. Lex won't tell me what Bruce said, but I have a feeling it was really bad. Just from the few things Lex has said about the incident, I can tell more went on than he's saying.

Bruce doesn't want to be forgiven but I told him that I forgive him. I tried everything I could think of to make Bruce realize that he has to talk to Lex soon. I even brought up his night habit. I can't believe some of the things he's been doing. A whole building fell on him! He could have died. The stupidass! He's not invulnerable like me.

Moms have a sixth sense for sure. At least my mom does. She found my torn shirt from the other night when I went on my one man wrecking crew on those buildings. I guess I should have burned the clothes I wore. She saw on the news that the Taylor house had been burned, but I can't believe she figured out that I was responsible for what happened. I didn't care that she knew. She tried to find out more but what was I supposed to say. I did it because it was that or trash Bruce. I can't ever tell anybody about what Bruce did. Lex asked me not to and I'll keep that promise forever. 

I went to see Lex tonight. He's back home. He still looks tired and I could only stay a few minutes. He had a nurse there but she was on call so I only saw her when I first came in and as I was leaving. I didn't tell Lex about calling Bruce. Lex just didn't seem up to hearing that right now. He seemed so fragile. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him I'd protect him from everything, except I can't protect him all the time. 

Before when Lex first woke up he said that he would never hurt me. I didn't understand why he'd say that. 

 

24 November @ 08:17 pm

I had to go to Gotham again. Lex went to see Bruce yesterday. Lex isn't taking care of himself. I should have known I would have to locked him in his room or strap him down to his bed. He flew all the way to Gotham just to see if Bruce meant the things he'd done. I wish I'd told Lex what Bruce told me the other night. I guess even if I had, Lex still would have wanted to hear it from Bruce. I get that. I get that he wanted to look Bruce in the eyes and hear it for himself. I just wish Lex had waited until he was recovered. 

On the drive to the airport Lex asked a few questions that I dodged. I omitted like I always do. I think he must know that I'm not normal. 

I don't know what to do or say to make things better. Maybe I'm just being naive. I want things to be better so Lex doesn't look so tired and beaten down. Last night on the flight home he slept the whole time and I watched him. He looked young and so fragile. I couldn't believe it was Lex lying there in that seat. His mouth looked so soft and the scar on his lip stood out, harsh and stark. It says nothing good about me that I wanted him right there and then. I didn't do anything about it until I got home, alone. Then I jerked off twice to wicked dreams of me topping him on that seat. 

I left Lex at the mansion. By the time I got home mom and dad were asleep. I think mom trusted that I would take care of Lex. I told her this morning that Lex and I flew back from Gotham together in his private jet and that Lex slept the whole way. 

 

26 November @ 11:15 am

I shouldn't be shy or embarrassed around him anymore but last night I was. I came over, after dinner with Mom and Dad, to see if Lex needed anything. Mom sent me with some food and pumpkin pie which we just ate this morning for breakfast. I ate most of it. Lex had two pieces.

Last night he was alone. The mansion was empty except for him. I found him asleep on the sofa in his office. I hated to wake him, but then I would have sat there waiting maybe all night.

After I woke him, we went upstairs to crash some more. I was tired from my heavy workday. It felt good to drift off to sleep by his side. I'm not sure when I woke up but I was horny and in my sleep I had pushed up against him and I was humping his leg. That was so embarrassing and really not the most graceful way to wake him up. 

Lex was already sort of awake. My movements must have done that. I was going to go to the bathroom to take care of it but he asked me to do it right there in front of him. I blushed the whole time, but it was so hot and I stared into his eyes during most of it. He never once made me feel weird. 

I love when he touched my hair. It's sexy and it made me even harder. It took almost nothing for me to come especially with the object of my fantasies right there beside me, urging me on. I wished I could have done something for him but he is still in really bad shape. I plan on giving him a ton of sex once he's up for it.

After I cleaned up and we kissed we fell asleep again and I didn't wake up until early this morning. I wasn't too worried since there's no school today. I called Mom to let her know that I was staying with Lex at the mansion. 

Lex is sitting across from me and I'm typing this on his laptop. 

I guess I can say for sure that I have a lot to be thankful for. I have parents who love me and I have somebody special in my life. 

Now we're going to lounge for the rest of the day.

 

29 November @ 12:50 am

I did it! I told Lex that I'm an alien. 

He was asleep at the time. I wanted to tell him. The words were in my mouth, begging to be spoken, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I was too scared. I sat there, he said stuff about Bruce, and how Bruce hurt him and how he hurt Bruce. It's a vicious circle. 

Lex said Bruce looked at him like he was an enemy. I said I could never do that, but how do I know that's true. The red meteor rock made me act out and in some ways it's the same as what happened to Bruce. I wasn't in control and neither was Bruce.

I'm an alien. How do I know I haven't already unknowingly caused Lex irreparable damage?

What if I hurt him way more than Bruce ever could? He's already been hurt so much. He's not invulnerable like me. He looks so spent and completely drained. He looks so human. I want him to not be hurt ever again, but what I want doesn't matter. 

At the same time he looks so beautiful, so pale and I'm drawn to him. I can't stay away. I ran to the mansion without a second thought and I didn't care about any consequences to me. I just needed to see him and know that he's real. I needed to know that he was the one sending those messages. I needed him. I think that's what it is. In the end I'm the one who needs him the most. I know he doesn't need me. I know he could go on without me. 

I'm glad I got to touch Lex tonight. I feel so selfish when I say that it made me feel grounded even though I lost a piece of myself to him tonight. I'll never tell. I'll never say a word.

@ 01:41 pm

I'm so totally freaked out right now. Today this woman came up to me in school, claiming to be my real mom. She's not my mom. There is no way she can be my real mom. Unless she fell from the sky, which I know she didn't, there's just no way she could be my mom. 

She's so sure I'm her son. The look in her eyes when she stares at me totally freaks me out. She said I was the only child adopted through United Charities and that she gave her son up to them for adoption. 

I just called mom. I wanted to hear her voice. She's my real mom. I know there is no way I could be Rachel's son, but she says the adoption papers say I was the only kid adopted from there. What if they make that stick? It's not like we can say to them sorry he can't be your kid since he fell out of the sky.

The more I think about this the more it freaks me out. Mom and Dad will know what to do. I'll tell them everything when I get home. I won't lie to them at all. I want this to just go away. They'll think of something.

I should have known when I smashed my alarm clock this morning that it was going to be a bad day.

@ 08:45 pm

Mom and Dad went to talk to Rachel. I can't stop pacing and breaking pencils. This woman says I'm her son. That she gave me up for adoption way back when. It can't be true. I have a mom. I don't want this to be happening.

 

30 November @ 12:18 pm

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse I find out my best friend is the reason that woman is in town. Chloe posted my name on some adoption sites and Ms. Dunlevy responded so now she's here in town and she wants to get to know me. Mom and Dad talked to her last night and told her to stay away from me. I have a feeling that she isn't going to. She bought a house in town.

I told Chloe to stay out of my private business. Maybe she wasn't the best person to confide any of my secrets in. Look what she did with this one. 

On top of that Chloe told me that Lex's father handled my adoption. Did your father do this? My parents won't tell me what happened back then. Tonight when I get home I'm demanding the truth.

@ 07:22 pm

Lex and I met for the first time ever when I first landed on earth. I touched him. Mom and Dad told me the story of the day of the meteor shower and how Dad saved Lex's life. They took my ship and me and on the way home they ran into Lex and Lionel. 

I touched Lex on the face. That's what my mom said. She said he woke up for a moment and that was when I smiled and reached over and touched his face. 

This is so amazing. It is destiny. Lex was right. We met when I first landed and now years later we're together. It was meant to be. 

The nurse was just here to take a DNA sample to prove I'm not Rachel's son. I have to go to Metropolis to steal the sample and Pete's coming along so I can replace my sample with a sample from him. I just hope this works, because if they test my DNA there's no telling what they'll find. Dad is totally flipping out. I wish I could tell Lex what's happening.

Pete just got here. I better go. It feels funny knowing I'm about to break the law, but at the same time, I don't care. I don't want my Mom and Dad to be upset. I saw the look in my Mom's eyes earlier and it made me want to cry. 

Once the test results are in, Lex will believe that I'm not his brother. I wish I could tell him how I know that Rachel is wrong. I just can't say it. I definitely can't say it on the Internet. He's probably totally freaking. I know he'll be okay once they give the test results out. 

This is all Chloe's fault. Why couldn't she have just left it alone?


End file.
